and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Shame - the story of my life.
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