he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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