If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
