Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish I only lived at night.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
