Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My vagina is officially offended.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
