u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
