Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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