Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
