HIV tests are more positive than that guy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
