he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize