happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
