I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
