Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
