so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
