Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
