sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
