Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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