Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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