Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize