Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
