dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
