You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize