she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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