Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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