haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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