His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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