If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
