the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
