I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
