Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
