dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
