trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
