@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
