You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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