if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
