I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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