We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
