There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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