Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize