I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
