I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
