I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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