I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
