According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
