when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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