I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
