just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
