sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
