john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
