i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
