God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
