you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
