Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
In America we eat man semen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
