I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
