btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
