i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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