apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
