Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
