Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
