If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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