i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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