im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
