oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
where am i from again
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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