i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
