I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize