cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
