so that wasnt chicken after all
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
