i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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