Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
