Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
