there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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