it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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