im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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