I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
