he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
