Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
