Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
