Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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