dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
