you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
