I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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