I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize