she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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