oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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