Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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