ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
