Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just found puke in my bra..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
