found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
