I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
