let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
