youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
