I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Randomize