I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
