i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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